No dude, you can't hot box a bus shelter.
My mom gave me a high five when I told her I was just using him for sex
You and your mom would make an amazing tag team
he opened the microwave and beer cans poured out
no. you're not making a beach trip out of my abortion.
He licked the chalk off his shirt, then spat the Mountain Dew from his mouth onto the shirt and sucked on it. And thats him sober.
I just remember being happy that I got that toilet fixed so I had somewhere close to throw up
I went to the bar saying i wasn't going to drink that much. I forgot sobriety might as well be some mythical creature when you're with Holleey
Awkwardly walking by your fuck buddy and waving a casual hi in his direction like nothing has happened is probably the best thing in my life
There really needs to be a redbox for wine because I want some but too lazy to walk into a store
I just took three of the most beautiful hits of my life. As elegant and smooth and delicate and graceful as figure skating
I've never SEEN someone give negative fucks before. It's actually rather impressive. I want to study under them.
Which president had the biggest dick?
Take your time, I'll wait
Last night when I blacked out, I ate Chef Boyardee. I never want to be that drunk ever, ever again.
His junk had piercings everywhere. The dick and balls. It was a fucking pirate penis.
My professor just said irregardless, get me out of here
I guess he's ir-illiterate
Randomize
