U know its gonna be a great day when the guy at the liquor store waves at u cause u walked by
Needless to say Beer Gardens severly frowns upon playing flip cups with real glasses.
Chasing shots by shotgunning beers is not a good idea.
I'm drinking screwdrivers in the pool naked. Call 911 if I don't check in regularly
i honestly don't know why someone didn't cut me off after i broke the ceiling lamp with MY HEAD
you called me in the middle of the night, wandering the streets, in search of "the ultimate burrito"
Hey. Be honored that I consider you the genital expert. I know alot of candidates for the position.
Well pretty sure I lost 3 of my best friends in one week. Remember when I said I wasn't sure if I was gonna be a better person or a more despicable one in 2012. Despicable wins.
So update from last night: I made friends with a coke dealer, I tore the card scanner off the wall of my dorm, and I passed out on our bathroom counter with my head in the sink.
I whispered "you're doing a great Job" when he was fucking me. Then high fived him.
In this town being related to a brewing family or the owner of a sports team is like being royalty. It's like hooking up with the queen's nephew or something.
He came on my favorite pants. He is dead to me.
Hey know anyone who wants 58 lbs of whole frozen chickens for a couple bowls?
I swear if you help me with this I will eat you out and buy you all the Taco Bell you want.
It’s like my vagina just knows when a man is a barrel-chested freedom fighter.
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