Why does lindsey know I was naked in the kitchen?
going to class early so i have time to go on the moonbounce. this is why i go to art school.
My financial advisor pointed out that 37% of my income is currently going towards "non-essential food items"
That's banker lingo for "you're an alcoholic"
wait do you know what youre gonna say if they ask how youre getting back?
yes. helicopter.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
That sucks. I just talked to a telemarketer for 15 minutes about CSI: Miami and weed.
I wish i could 80s montage me losing weight
Why the fuck is the royal wedding at 4am. That is obviously not the most appropriate time to drink during finals. It's like I'm bound to fail, by royal decree.
I should have made a run for it. Seriously who calls the cops on themselves and goes to jail. ...on a Monday.
I've learned life lessons in Vegas. Mostly, drugs are cheaper than alcohol.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My alarm went off and I went straight for your dick. That's dedication.
I'm going as your incestuous sister. If thats not the perfect winglady I don't know what is.
My bank account got hacked so he showed up with a 6 pack wearing a superman cape to cheer me up and you question why I love him?
He got too drunk... he threw up ON the closed toilet.
It's a Jersey thing
I almost got decked by a guy who looked like Mr. Clean. How was your night?
I am certain that you would be a mere freckle on the behemoth of slutty that has taken place at this complex.
Randomize