I'm dreading the fact that when the dominoes guy comes, he will ask me if i placed an order under the name "high as shit".
any plan I had today of being a productive member of society, I am officially throwing out the window.
Just come over and take your pants off. 35 mins tops. You'll be home before midnight cinderella
Halloween has nothing on dressing up as as the INS on cinco de mayo
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just found a wine bottle in my shower. Must have been a good night.
Blacked out, Had to be carried out of the bar again by two large black bouncers. Asked them to be my "boo thangz" Again.
That's how I like my men: traumatized and crying in a ball
They flooded the bathroom and their version of cleaning it up was to throw our couch cushions on it. That's when I decided to chug tequila and go drunk bowling. So hitting the kid with my ball is really their fault.
Welcome to the single world where it seems vibrator batteries are in short supply and making a sandwich while naked at 2am is relatively normal
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Oh yeah I remember when I first saw Kyler's balls. If there's anything high school swim prepared me for, it's the amount of testicles I would see here
Yeah. I don't know. I'm just gonna show up at her place on valentines day with a jock strap, box of chocolates, and rose clenched between my ass cheeks with "be mine" written across my glorious man titties.
"Let's do body shots off the freshmen" is officially the worst thing I've ever said.
Why did I wake up with BYOB sharpied on my stomach
I found a Trump-humping republican virgin born on the goddamn Fourth of July. I NEED to hate-fuck him.
I come into the house and he's fucking doing karaoke by himself... Lady gaga
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