LMAO!!! just remembered you said this to me last night. "sometimes you post too many Jesus tweets. It's not that that's really bad... But I roll my eyes and you should know that."
I was drunk but it's true
beer for lunch on the first day back to school.... too soon?
Cant decide who was more of a mess the morning after... me when i passed out in the bathroom stall or you when you sprayed yourself down with hairspray thinking it was sunblock
Her vagina turned into a vuvuzela. I didn't know it was a possible to have a wet nightmare.
When I stretch out her lips her vagina looks like a dolphin...this birthmark is awesome
I feel as though I could trust her, I mean she did tell me she was married before we had sex.
I walked in on you rubbing your nose all over his face while straddling him and yelling "I'M SO SORRY!" repeatedly. I'd say you were in pretty good shape at that point in the night.
Worst walk of shame everrr. Hopefully the thought of me walking 20 minutes in the freezing cold with someone else's sweatpants, a bra on & high heels will cheer you up today.
Oh god there are people jogging. Fuck off productive people, you don't know me.
I'm covered in mustard and it looks like I nose dived in to barbed wire ??? Was last night that good?
Can we fangirl? Can we have fangirl Tuesdays?
Sure lol what's that?
Oh, dear, sweet Laura. Please start singing A Whole New World. I have Aladdin's part, you're Jasmine.
Why?
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I want to get back to junior year skinny- without all the drugs.
Its not that it wasnt fun. Its just I got a tooth knocked out and that was my second time being arrested this year
I don't even have his number. I have his pants tho
Fuck him and his perfect arms, huge penis and relentless ability to ignore me.
My mom has tinder, she is 45 and has her age setting at 18-29. And she still gets more matches than me
Randomize
