I thought all girls wanted is to get a boner
you want to re-phrase that?
had to check his id this morning to remember his name.... i was wayy off
Fuck morning classes. Fuck early work. Fuck anything in the morning that doesn't involve sleeping, sex or bacon.
i think im the only person who makes thank you cards for their drug dealer
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Ps if we're still living vicariously through each other, you had sex on a beach last night
I caught her walking around with a fake mustache, wearing a sombrero and holding an empty carton of milk. She's a hopeless cause.
WHEN DO I FOLLOW THESE PEOPLE. I WOKE UP THIS MORNING &FOUND TWEETS FROM ILLUMINATI AND "hot shot 6th grader"
i'm teaching a bunch of people how to grow weed over snapchat. no shame.
Guys always stop talking to me right around the point that if they bought me food a couple times I would probably have sex with them.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Ooo, yeah! Thanksgiving will be a blast. Can't fuckin wait for the next round of "have you found a nice young man yet?" Followed by a lovely helping of "don't worry, there's someone out there for you."
call me with an emergency in 5 min. This chick has a strap on hangin behind the bathroom door.
No he can't come. I swear to gods he's "Why We Can't Have Nice Things" given physical form.
Let's be honest, college orientation is going to be "here's how to drink everclear"
Goddamn right, I may not survive the apocalypse, but my eyebrows fucking will.
Can't talk, I'm icing "sorry I barfed on your couch" onto a cookie cake
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