we were having sex in the bathroom when his aunt knocked on the door
and rather than go out and meet her, i climbed out the window. so now she thinks he was masturbating and moaning his own name in a really girly voice
Yes. Being a lesbian's wingman is a fun as it sounds
I knew we should have skipped class earlier, my lab partner is drunk from last night and making up his own experiments.
I'm buying eyelash glue, salt, and limes. We know how tonight is ending.
Trying to find a card for this engagement party. Can't find one that says "you met each other 5 months ago, cant wait to get the popcorn out and watch this one fall apart"
i made the walk of shame wearing her booty shorts that said juicy on the back. i'm still counting it as a good night
I'm like an air traffic controller of women. It's a very similar job. Well spaced and gentle landings are good. When they meet, it's bad. Explosions bad. Dying screaming burning children bad.
Can you send me the pic of me puking with a quesadilla on my shoulder
There is a Victoria's Secret pageant on right now with Taylor Swift singing in lingerie. I didn't know a penis could get this erect.
My sister's exploding appendix just cock blocked me...
Updates: Made out with a teletubby last night in the middle of the street #lifegoals
You can't just drop that I might be walking into a foursome and leave it at that
Not only do I have a well-defined bite mark on my arm, but I also have a perfectly clear bruise of a handprint wrapped around my arm like a tribal tattoo. Thoughts on how that happened?
I took a picture of you last night while you were drunk, trying to smoke a bowl through your nose. It's now your contact id.
He grabbed at it like it was a stress ball or something. It's a boob, not a grapefruit. The fuck.
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