Swear. I think after passing out in a community college parking lot I can safely nominate myself for the piece of shit of the year award
Just saw some girl biking on campus with a babyseat on the front. Baby included. Do you know how many points that'd be worth?
im calling her cock vulture from now on
My roommate threw his shoe through our window and I came out of my blackout kicking holes in my wall. Pretty sure Edward 80 Hands won't be happening anymore.
If you ever get the opportunity, make fun of how small his dick is for me
Took 45 minutes to masturbate. Fuck you Zoloft. I'm never gonna be diagnosed with depression again
I had ketchup on my elbow and a random girl goes "I got it" and licked it off, only on game day
I have no idea how I got home or why I am naked but I assume I owe you a thank you...
How the fuck did I get back? Last thing I remember is being on some hot guy's shoulders yelling at girls shaking their asses
We'll talk about it later...
If there was a build-a-penis, I would build that penis.
I give up. I can't handle that class sober any longer. I have an army of whiskey shooters for the next three weeks. Wish me luck.
I faked more orgasms with him then ever should be allowed for someone this pretty.
Immediately after sex he layed on the floor and acted like my yellow bra was pac man
HE HAS CHALLENGED MY BADNESS. I MUST CONQUER ALL THAT QUESTIONS MY POWER. BRING FORTH THE TIT PICS.
I got my period today and I cried tears of joy. And then just cried because my cramps are actually killing me from the inside out.
Randomize
