Does this mean you'll turn into an Albanian at the next full moon?
I learned much from the teen babysitter: I can light a cigarette in a microwave.
i felt like the dude nobody likes from the mikes hard lemonade commercial
I woke up with her little sister yelling "she's dead !!" from the bathroom doorway.
New low, passed out while taking a shit for an hour with my parents home, suprised they didnt notice
I've made a list of places I want to have sex this summer. #1: Reptile House at the zoo.
Fyi your toilet is not contaminated. We'd have to scissor pretty hard to pass what I got.
I made friends with the delivery guy because he had beautiful dread locks and was a Zelda fan. He texted me after he left saying he wasn't trying to be creepy but we should be friends. We're hanging out tomorrow.
How does this kind of shit happen to you?!
I'll ask around, all of my friends have girlfriends now for the most part though so they're all dead inside
he wouldnt let me in bed until i took off all the stickers i was covered in
Is 1:30 too early for the bar?
Do you want my opinion or society's?
I want your company
it’s not easy to sexualize brunch. work with me, babe.
Her cop pants made me imagine I was riding a unicorn and by unicorn I mean her face
So was this before or after he cried about trump?
After
so hungover. idk whos house or comp im on
Randomize
