Emee failed...She used my genitals as a tampon
Then we started crawling around on the floor because we couldn't get up so decided to be tigers instead. Gotta love power hour.
I think vodka calistinics prior to and during beer olympics was a bad idea
One of my students just said I have "big mommy parts". Even third graders know that my tits are too big. God I love em.
Just did lines off a tackle box. Love Montana.
We went out. i got lost. dunno where they were. they slept in the car. i slept in an outdoor shower. i dont know anything else.
It's a line of coke at 10 a.m. kind of Saturday. Don't be a pussy about life.
You're my spirit guide. This has to do with oatmeal cream pies.
Dude are you alive? We drank shit that made a german bartender blow chunks.
One good thing about being a mom now, I can tell which guys I'm dating were breastfed and which weren't... By the way they latch on to my breast during sex! Kinda kills the mood.
Just threw up. It looks like I may have swallowed a cigarette.
Right now, millions of people are waking up to get ready for work, start their day, and be productive members of society. I just found a 40 stashed in my fridge. I'm getting daybreak drunk. Zero fucks are given.
Isn't being unemployed beautiful sometimes?
We fed him just...so many bright colored crayons when he was blacked out. I hope he looks at his shits because this could be all for nothing
Blacking out is all I've done this year and we're only 3 days in. Checkmate bitch.
Lost my pants last night. Really need to stop taking shots of whiskey like I'm eating skittles.
Randomize
