ha- omfg whatt the fuck is wrong w me. Alcohol+third cousins= bad decisions
I think my fart just growled at me.
Deffinety need to stop having sex on the beach just took a dump and it was mostly sand
Its like I was sleeping with a kid. His gum fell into my hair while sleeping and he just wanted to cuddle.
When I look at old family photos I know how jessica simpson feels when she watches dukes of hazzard
You coming home soon, man?
HENBARSCLOSE
Got a thumbs up from a trucker for doing lines on the interstate. God bless america.
I just ate a can of beans for dinner so I can afford to go get a 5$ bottle of wine. I really did not think these choices would still be necessary at age 25.
And I'd make him talk dirty to me. In Forrest Gump's voice.
I don't know. I just thought I'd put my drinks in my bag and go on an adventure. Like a drunk Bilbo Baggins.
i just added a shot of fireball to my iced coffee. goodbye sobriety.
My mom added me on Snapchat which means I am officially done with Snapchat.
Im gonna start dry humping the manequins and see if i get fired.
Yep. Just fucked a 34 year old on the football field where we both went to high school. That's a story for the grandkids.
Okay so as of now, we may either be coming for one night, two nights, or not at all this weekend. It depends on Laura's toe and if I get my period. Will explain later
Randomize
