TIT CHECK! TIT CHECK! ALERT! ALERT!!!!
i dont know you, but i just did a line with your business card.
I woke up hungover and reached for a glass of water only to realize too late that it was vodka sprite with my splooge in it.
Just cleaned up my puke with my lecture notes.
I'm like cupid
You're a whore with a bow and arrow
We went into lab today and when no one was looking i touched our cadaver's penis!
i'm calling it girls night to make myself feel better but lets be real.....i wasn't going to get any guys tonight regardless
We found her in the fireplace eating dog biscuits.
Nice. Don't spend your therapist's co-pay on Jaeger bombs.
Just made a jeopardy bj game. Every question has 10-50 seconds on it and if he's right that's how many he gets.
also karaoke with swedish 7yr old and drunk 50yr old = best idea ever
Remember the bouncer that knocked out Dave and Sam? Apparently his day job is a florist. Uppercut and fresh cut in one package.
Why were you twerking to, "The Wheels on the Bus"?
Can't talk, I'm icing "sorry I barfed on your couch" onto a cookie cake
if my 20s were a chapter in my autobiography, it would be called "the room is spinning and my hands smell like dick"
Randomize
