drink some water, pull the trigger, get a bfast sandwich. Only good things.
She has a t-rex face on a stuart little body.
Just walked pass a bum on the way to a coinstar... awkward
I just found 17 dollars of saltine crackers in my room. confused incredibly. suprised not at all.
I'm gonna have sex with a woman...help
don't forget friday is see who can get the most free drinks at the gay bar contest. winner gets $50
If you're not washing nut sweat off of your forehead this morning I'm disappointed in you
God damn him and his understanding ways and little hip muscle things.
Have you ever noticed that the cities in car commercials look really futuristic?
...did you eat that brownie?
the old man that you threw the shoe at says "hi" and many rude words...
His arresting officer when they were busting up the squat party recognized him from the anti-drone protest. He was like Jesus kid, you were sober last time.
He was too drunk, and my mother and I ended up babysitting him. He told her I have amazing mouth skills, and that I love the "chorizo" he feeds me. All she said was "And on the list of 30 things you never want to hear about your daughter..." while gripping the steering wheel.Please just fucking kill me now.
It was terrible. I am sore from head to toe, neither of us got off, and we were at it for an hour and a half, I faked having a heart episode so we could stop. It worked.
uh...sober saturday NEVER has a good ring to it.
My manager gave me an envelope with money in it before he had vacation, and when I asked what it was for, he said it will be his bail money.
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