Vegas for my brothers bachelor party. Just landed and I have a boner. I'm giggly and teary eyed I'm so excited.
i think i just saw hanson at the grocery store. one might have been a girl. hard to tell. lets call that one taylor.
no. i seriously look so gross with this sunburn. i wouldnt even wanna bang myself. and im really into myself.
Do you know how hard it is to conceal the fact that you puked all over the bed that someone is sleeping in?
She has an album entitled "my photography", which consists of about 80 different pictures of a tractor that she took on her cell phone. I'm all for freedom of expression, but come on.
well, I suppose if I had to pick a penis to represent the american public, yours would be it
The vodka told me to go iceskating on my frozen pool. I may have attempted.
I don't care if he's straight, his cock will be in my mouth by midnight. Like a closeted Cinderella.
I judge a person on how well they respect their vaginas... I can tell by the lack of respect she has for hers I dislike her.
Also, my drunkenly packed sleepover kit consisted of a singular sock, my uncharged laptop, and a pack of post-it notes.
Can we have a celebratory fuck now that the lockout is over?
You're the best girlfriend ever.
I'm cuddling with a baby pig and drinking champagne right now.
Where were you last night, and why am I not surprised that drag queens were involved?
When you accidentally text the wrong guy for a dick pic and your surprised you get one In return. He just got on my "to do" list
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
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