i told my grandma i broke up with my boyfriend. her reply " you need to play the field more anyway"
I'm at work and it's 1:30. I need a beer. is that bad?
Welcome to every minute of my life.
So i looked up from her cooch and there was her ex-boyfriend
Awkward
the world took limewire and four lokos away from me in one week....hello depression
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I sang Jenna happy bday in the middle of throw up hurls
Just stop talking to douche bags. How do you manage to attract every asshole within a 100 mile radius?
If i could answer that i wouldn't be so afraid to move to a more populated area
when I came to get Jamie there was a cop standing outside with her, made me roll down my window to tell me "she's got to go cause she won't keep her shirt buttoned"
I'm using the house around the corner that my parents rent out to people as a means of getting sex. I just tell them I'm going for a walk and just invite my next hook up over
My dog got laid yesterday. Some lady came over with her husky to breed. He did it like a champ. I was so proud
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I hope you get a lego stuck in your dickhole
Fun fact: the guy I banged last night. His middle name on his birth certificate is "Windstorm."
Im going to seductively wisper "that butters my biscuit" in your ear
In the event that Ian's ex wife asks you, tell her I'm sweet snd innocent. No reason.
I promised her I would shit on your driveway. There's nothing that you or I can do about it now.
I know you told me I shouldn't go see him...that's why I'm texting you letting you know I made it home safe from his house this morning
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