my dad just beat the shit out of me cuz i blew my nose on one of my dirty t shirts and he saw it and thought it was cum.
Not only did a random toaster end up in my house last night, it's also full of skittles.
I woke on the floor next to a big TV. Apparently I traded my bed for a 52 inch samsung and a box of pop tarts.
pre-gaming in the library. just gonna keep going until i'm too drunk to keep working and then i'll be there.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
every Thursday i draw one of my friends names out of a hat to choose who i will drunkenly text all weekend
The yoga party turned into an underwear party because we are all incompetent when it comes to tying bed sheets.
This has been a Party Success Story
I creeped him on fb. I'm about 90% sure I just blew him in the same tux he wore for his wedding..
You know you turned your life around when your drunk eating salad at 3 am on a Friday night
Do you think if I had a tempurpedic bed he would still be able to feel me fingering myself after we have sex?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
3 words: harry potter burlesque. My life is so much more awesome than yours right now.
You're even getting laid in my dreams, god I'm a good wingman
Is it too much to ask for 10 minutes of privacy while I masturbate?
when she didn't finish her burrito you wanted to call the cops because you said it was neglect
my personal favorite... An "I'm sorry you broke your finger and cant play sports for awhile" blowjob!
I have to charm this cab driver. Hold on.
Randomize