My first STD was from a foam party
I can only speak casual parseltoungue, im not bad though. just the general, "wheres the bathroom?" "open the chamber of secrets" that type of stuff
the only reason i even kissed her was because we were having sex when it midnight, and i heard people yelling "happy new year."
he just kept repeating that I have nice areolas
I'm going to a foam party and gonna grind someones dick off hayy
Just got that "I know what's going on with your vagina" look from that CVS cashier.
You bought MORE?!
My chin is breaking out a bit and feels all itchy and burny like I'm allergic to something. Are you using a new lotion on your balls?
I woke up this morning to a lot of blurry photos of a swan i must have chased down the riverbank and a handbag full of loose haribo.
I crawled out his bedroom window, forgetting he lives in a split level and there is a 10 foot drop back there. I had to text him to come help me I twisted my ankle.
Those drunk pictures you took of me? My mom is showing those to my grandparents.
First time since we broke up that I'm not drunk before noon...win for broken hearts everywhere
Remember those two guys in our frat that would no homo everything? I just got an invitation to their wedding.
random boy in my bed. last night wasnt a dream. fuck.
He tried to throw up into a beer bottle. It was a complete disaster. Vomit went everywhere. It put the Bellagio's fountain to shame.
She never came back from the bathroom so I went to look for her... I was in my room and heard this rustling. And she was in my closet petting ties.
Randomize
