Oh, don't even get me started. Harry Potter is so pure. Twilight is just teenage girl porn.
I think I'd do Clint Eastwood.
...kinda gettin a major gay vibe from you right now.
That was a text you sent me last night.
I need to stop making out with boys in plain view of half my class.
He looked like Harry Potter. I had to do it.
once I found out that a naked stripper wasn't gonna pop out of the cake I kind of just lost interest in the party
We're exchanging pot brownie recipes in my substance abuse class. This is going to be an awesome 7 weeks.
Next time we're there I want drunk pics of us trying to ride the stone lions downtown. Don't even attempt to fight me on this.
Laurln. I am dying. I am npt alive. Adderrall is not a real thing. Death is a rwal thing which I understandably
Also got home. Still stoned. Mom was up. We made a pizza and were writing a children's book. Sleep good.
Dilemas of the modern woman: deciding whether or not to write on your ex's wall for his birthday. This is serious.
He stood me up and then his cat died. I feel like this is Gods way of saying he's on my side, even after the tequila fiasco.
I found out he put two potatoes in a jar because he wants to make his own vodka.
So I definitely fucked a guy while holding on to his pigtails like reigns last night.
The most literal cowgirl position ever.
Owwww. A manager/ employee sex scandal that DOES NOT involve me! SCORE!!!
I just got a handjob in the back of an Uber while a large German dude and a Midwestern fuck-boi sang along in falsetto to the Bohemian Rhapsody.
I bet he’d be surprised by the epic blow job he’d get if he stopped talking about his wife long enough for me to get in the mood
Randomize
