So you're telling me it's impossible to have a "slight case" of chlamydia?
Just got kicked out of the ocean for being "unsafe".
I realize now that I left my pants on that table in the downstairs bathroom at you house on Tuesday....
he just sat there, in the doorway of my dorm room, chuggin a fifth like nobodys buisness.. don't know whether to fuck him or be afraid of his confidence
He came over hammered at four in the morning with roses trying to get me back when my new fling opened the door he just stood there crying for 40mins even after we closed the door
He told me he doesn't want to fuck anymore because he needs to focus on school. Either he grew a vagina or he's secretly gay, it has to be one of the two.
We should give each other good-luck-on-your-finals head in the morning.
He woke me up at 5am to recite nursery rhymes to our fictitious unborn child.
Only Jon could get an entire commuter train to chant "Ride! Jon! Home!" to get a girl in bed.
I heard you were drinking whiskey straight from the bottle last night.
Actually I was drinking whiskey straight from 3 bottles, but that is neither here nor there.
Debating going to the grocery store with my vibrator still in, cause I can't stand the idea of it out. Lets do some risk/reward
no strings attached, like you could fuck him and then throw him off a building right after
fuck you I'm eating salad I can't be drunk.
I'm so sad at the lack of dick in my life I am going to get sauced and make rice krispy treats
I expected my Sunday morning walk of shame dressed as a sexy Dorothy would get some scorn, but nobody seems to even care
That’s because it’s 2020. The slutty costume walk of shame is a refreshing reminder of a time when wearing masks and catching communicable diseases was a right of passage, not everyday for the foreseeable future.
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