Her mom drove me home after I blew a .13 So there I am wishing her mom a happy mother's day sitting in the passenger seat where I just banged her daughter 15 min prior
No. You are not the Kate in this relationship. I will do what I want.
I think im in love with that girl with the googlie eyes last night. She was looking in my eyes and at my dick at the same time. we are going out again tonight.
She asked me to facebook all the girls I'd hooked up with. She started crying when I started my search with A.
I told her for every minute she spent down there, I would donate a dollar to the Haiti relief fund... totally worked
if this hangover is indicative of how 2011 is gonna be, i want nothing to do with it
My near death experience also doubled as my coming out story
they all just nodded
chimney cleaner pole that expands when button is pushed then pull out. Remember that. We have to patent it.
Who are you high with right now?
You have to understand, he didn't so much come out of the closet as he backflipped out of it with an accompanying marching band.
Idk man, she was drunker than me and i was sitting there talking to a raccoon about it's broken leg.
Tabs I had open this morning: "15 hedgehogs with things that look like hedgehogs" and an unexplored google search for "how do I express my love of tacos"
Dying on my bathroom floor at 7 am, I would rather be eaten by a shark right now
the best part of college is nobody can tell me not to eat six toaster strudels and jerk off in the shower
There is a car windscreen wiper in my handbag... Not my car's, not ok.
I just have to point out that once I typed "fa" my phone filled in "fatass"
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