The way you explained my vagina was exactly the way I would of described my breakfast burrito.
apparently smacking a customer in the face with his iPhone was not part of the WOW factor we learned in training...
We went to the police station completely hammered looking for you. Don't tell me I'm not a good friend.
So apparently we dropped beers outside the apartment last night, and someone RETURNED them! Ha like what? I just walked out the front door to Christmas in a box on my doorstep.
After we were finished she said "That was like marriage sex". Should I take that as a compliment or insult?
I hope my orgasm sounds aren't secretly that bad and no one tells me
How does this dude know what a dying walrus sounds like? That's the real question
Her fucking playlist had randy newman on it. It was like woody was watching the whole time.
Her roomates have been scoring her hookups. I got 8.9, best of the week!
Hah no, But it might feel like water boarding to my soul
Sarah's knitting me a hat as an apology for unknowingly making out with my boyfriend
I love it when he cheats on me with nice people
I peed my pants and am still dancing with guys at the club because I liked my outfit too much to change. Call the ratchet emergency
Roomies told me I showed up to my house alone with no pants on and burrs in my hair... I live in the middle of the city
I refuse to fake an orgasm. If I'm dating him, he better work for that shit.
I woke up with a pillow, shampoo and a plant in my fridge. Eggs in the toilet, and I was wearing three pairs of girls underwear. What happened last night
Sorry, Geoff can’t come to his phone right now. He’s outside trying to show his dick to a bachelorette party bus with “DTF” written on the windows
Randomize
