is it bad if i hope guys are like edward cullen and can read my mind. i could be a whore in disguise.
i wish that i had sketchier friends so that it would be easier to get drugs
I'm so high I just tried to eat a hair tie thinking it was one of my pretzels.
i just heard her through the wall saying "not on my face! NOT on my face!" then a scream and "I SAID NOT ON MY FACE!!!"...nice work dude.
I really want to go out tonight but part of me wants to be able to honestly tell the judge tomorow that I didn't
He still hasn't made a move, so I slept with his brother last weekend. Maybe sibling rivalry will motivate........
Either I need to stop bringing you back to my apt or I need to stop buying ikea furniture
The venue for the new years party is close to the hospital for obvious reasons.
When the question of, do you know who's ass has been on the cake you are eating is said... Good or bad party?
We told you to go get more fire wood and you came running back with a log that was on fire, not drunk at all.
I got really upset at the McDonald's worker. They should serve nuggets 24/7. Apparently 5am is breakfast for some people.
I did my patriotic duty. I woke up next to a veteran this morning.
I may be a complete scumbag but even im not willing to spend a grand and sit on a plane for 24 hours just for shrooms and a blowjob
A young (I'm going to guess late middle school age) kid shouted at me from the crosswalk GAS PUMP OF SHAME! I have peaked in life.
He just sprayed AXE in his mouth to get rid of his bad breath... THAT DRUNK
Randomize
