My girlfriend went down on me and as she did she hummed the theme from star wars and pretended my dick was a lightsaber...I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
DAMN! I hate it when i drunkenly erase all my "sent message" and wake up in the morning and my inbox is full of "WTF?" and "Huh?" messages.
The walls in my apartment are so thin that sometimes when I fart, I stop to listen if people are laughing next door.
you know you were refereeing rock paper scissors for who got to make out with your sister right?
It was like fucking a house. Down the chimney. That deep and empty.
that girl is introducing herself into your group of friends one dick at a time.
I need to stop drinking and eating and start working out. I look like the lovechild of John Goodman and Jabba the Hutt.
Oh I already celebrated valentine's day. I stayed up until 4 AM listening to biggie, drinking rum, and caressing all my girl curves in front of the mirror. And then I came 3 times.
I started crying then my dog licked his dick so yeah.. Kind of ruined the moment.
His pillow talk sucks. It was like Mr. Roger's vagina.
And I'm glad you're waiting to invite him over. he may have a weird penis thing and then dinner becomes awkward.
It was a simpler time. With fewer STDs.
Hurry I'm alone dressed like a prostitute eating French fries.
Well obviously we have a ghost in the house who’s taking showers in your bathroom and doing our cocaine.
i'm not too sure if he's up to my expectations looks-wise, but in the penis department he exceeds ALL regulations.
Randomize
