If I remember correctly, I may have been smoking a cigarette on the dance floor. This is the true sign of a douchebag in his native habitat...fmylife
Blackout barefoot maybe pregnant
Good decisions....
Just got blue box Mac and cheese things are looking up
i waited two years for her to sleep with me. it just didnt seem worth it.
she lost her virginity three hours after you dumped her.
are you serious?
I woke up this morning and I couldn't find my coffeetable. wtf?
you got in your car and made the sounds of a NASCAR, then called me on your phone and I was your pit crew. then you apparently you won the race, and THAT'S when you tried to backflip off the top of your car.
We pay for beer, you give birth. It's how the world works.
tequila makes her clothes fall off
wow Mom, sounds like youre having a good time
It's my fault I'm alone. My closest relationship is with my blackberry....thank god it vibrates.
I just ate nachos topless with a fork. Live with meeee
My name in their phones is "That Girl". If i can't get it to go away, I might as well live up to it.
After she lost the bet I made her get on one knee so she could "Te-blow me"
Just got caught staring at a woman breast feeding. My only response was, "She's so adorable".
I got a thank you card in the mail from the virgin i slept with on the camping trip. Weird or the new classy?
Miscalculate d the jungle juice, it's actually 10%. Can't taste the diff anyway but my stomcha is warm. Come play pongm.
Who'd have thought a guy with a lisp would be so good with his tongue?
Randomize
