its like an ocean threw up right in your lap
Stop trying to talk to my friends!!
then get some ugly ones...
Ugh. my cast still smells like fermenting hot tub water and bad decisions.
Yes. No, I'm basically a superhero but with drugs. I'm robin hood. I steal from the rich (insurance and drug companies) and give to the poor (everyone I know).
Thank god for federal credentials. Waaaaayyyy to hungover to go through airport security lines right now.
And then I fed you egg rolls in bed as you were screaming I'm moving out
I guess there's no delicate way to say "I'm 90% sure I sucked his dick in the bathroom of the bar."
What is my life coming to that I have to cross state lines to get laid?
THE FASTEST WAY TO MY HEART IS THROUGH FAMILY SIZED BAGS OF GENERIC BRAND CHEESE BALLS
I responded like every reasonable adult would. With a gif
you ripped my door off of the hinges, kicked it in half and then proceeded to throw it down the stairs because i wouldn't make you a cheese burger
I added our drug dealer to the quickbooks software babe, he is listed under vendor's as an expense category... money management is such a bitch...
You know those times when you're sitting down for a while and r like damn I'm sober but then stand up and r like WOAH HOLD UP.
Well you’re enrolled in an Ivy League grad school and I’m currently at a 2 star holiday inn in rural PA so who is really thriving here
Somehow my life has turned in to drug deals at the bar, and illegally camping on a mountain because I have no where else to live.
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