Is it really that bad? I heard it was like pooping. I like pooping.
look, i may have sacrified a 20% assignment for a sprite. this is what hangovers do to me.
New first...just saw an entire family of homeless hitch hikers...kids and all. God, i love Oklahoma!
fuck you guys, stop putting fake babies in my car the cops came again.
Why am I in a dog kennel?
It was for your own safety
An accidental pregnancy to a guy with a trustfund is no mistake. It is a gift from god.
He had a beer bottle in each of his back pockets and was on rollerblades. All I remember is following him for about 10 minutes
Well I almost walked away with an Irish guy's boarding pass and some south guy's dignity
Ran into him again last night, stole his glowstick and walked away. The glowstick mountain in my room keeps growing.
When cunnilingus is one of the first 25 words you say to someone there's a problem
#reasonsyoushouldnthaveatinder
Are you good with a knife? I need someone to perform amateur surgery.
Are you going to eat tacos off the floor again?
Rule #36, branched off rule 4: Dave stays on a leash in crazy settings. It keeps him good and gets you laid.
So essentially he's like a puppy you can bring to a bar? Retractable leash or chain then?
I told myself I'd stop after three shots of fireball. Haha HA hA.
If anything I look like a soccor mom going out for her annual ladies night. Trying hard, but not quite in her twenty's anymore.
Randomize
