You know its been a rough night when you wake up and the first thing you remember is your mom going skinny dipping.
My mom just informed me that my dog licks their toes while her and my dad are having sex. I'm apartment searching.
I think the puke all over the side of my car actually improves its appearance.
I need a $60 an hour job, because I have a $50 an hour drinking habit.
We have a tower of vodka coming. OF VODKA
he broke up with her mid blow job, and somehow convinced her to finish. I want his life
Yeah? Well I'm currently predrinking downstairs in my room by myself. Absolut and water with a hint of mint because I'm using the glass I keep my toothbrush in. Fuck, you bitches better get off work soon.
Remember when spice girls "Two Become One" came on just as we were about to fuck? talk about a boner jam
I don't care if he got kidnapped by a cult one time he is a dick
Just streaked campus for a bottle of patron...maybe you're right...I might have a drinking problem...
I sent him this really overly apologetic text asking him out. It was just sad. Not even 27 shots of whiskey can grow me a self-esteem.
I just traded 5 cigarettes for a sandwich on they greyhound.You owe me 5 cigarettes. I told you I would get hungry.
I'm told I threw my cigarettes at the TV one by one Shouting about the cast of Community.
I hate how much more visible my vomit is on snow, I need a winter vomit bush
whatever, tonight I’ll be getting my ass eaten by an aussie so we good
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