wouldnt it be awesome if walks of shame were like charity walks...you could get sponsors and shit and donate money to curing STDs or cancer
she's laying in my bed with an ice pack on her vagina. how do you think it went?
It was a rude awakening when I turned on my phone and the first thing I saw was a picture of David's dick with a face on it, I need to stop drinking in his basement...
Just faked two orgasms bc I had too much wine and remembered mid sex that I bought doritos yesterday.
At least in the future when we're all real people we can laugh about the time we all had scabies together?
What did he say? I couldn't hear him over the sound of how awesome his beard is.
No talking tonight. Just drinking and puking up memories
I need you to know that everytime my toddler does the downward facing dog in the nude I think about the night you and your dude fell in love.
Head-banging is a very stupid way to injur yourself. But this opinion is also coming from somebody who can't walk right because they cut their asshole shaving last night, so it probably has little to no merit.
I walked into Anna's room this morning and she was like teary eyed, with pizza sauce all over the place
I didn't know what to say so I just sent him a chicken emoji
I just cut open the plastic package of a Plan B pill using the bottle opener I carry in my purse. #whyidrink
I think the moment she woke up butt naked on a mattress with her phone still on her face was the point she knew last night was fucked up
I took it as a sign from the lord above that she wanted me to creep on these men.
I woke up spooning with two strangers on Saturday morning... I felt like a sexual sandwich
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