A horse told me not to drive home last night. I think there was a cop on top of it.
please tell me you didn't have sex with him in the bathroom...
Does an alley count?
So I just told the bartender I would go down on her. You need to get here
Your friends turned off our power in the basement and when we went to turn it back on I got sprayed in the face with a fire extinguisher. FYI.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The dopest dose you'll ever dose. I felt like an octopus all of thursday
WHY IS HE GONE WHEN I ACTUALLY HAVE THE AMOUT OF ESTROGEN TO HUMP A SQUIRREL?!?!
Who knew there were so many rules and judgements about laying on a kitchen floor. I'm all like I'm resting. It just happens to be on a kitchen floor.
Part of my treatment is getting high and having sex with 22 year olds. I have a prescription!
Sometimes I just want to serenade his penis with cheesy 80s songs.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
sweating bourbon at client mtg -- you?
For an hr, you were convinced you no longer had a right arm so you played Super Mario Bros with just your left hand vs Beth. You won btw, mite b why she refused to wear the unicorn head
Are you the reason I woke up without pants?
I'm over here willing to be the Yoda of fucking but I guess he just doesn't want to be a Jedi.
But I don't see you as the jesus riding a dinosaur with a machine gun type of guy
I just had a man tell me he was going to think about me when he was fucking his wife tonight. This is my proudest moment as a gay.
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