remember that night we drank a bottle of vodka and went to mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu, twice?
we can't do that now- first b/c they got rid of that menu and 2 b/c we are broke now. damn this recession.
You just kept yelling "SATAN!" at me every time I walked by
Yes but life is bad with poopy sheets
I've had enough of this chick, she wanted to cuddle after giving me a handjob. I feel like I'm in junior high
She passed out in the backyard, making "face down" snow angels ... so they could have a smile.
My dealer threw in a "freestyle rap" today with my purchase. I dont know if I can handle this relationship.
"it's Wednesday" isn't a good enough excuse to take my debit card and use it for your own drunken needs. You owe me 250 bro
The pastor just stopped the sermon to lay hands on me. THAT hungover.
We got a noise complaint for vacuuming too much but not for getting really high and yelling about peanut butter
It's ok, I did squats with my bottle of wine before I opened it. That counts as the gym since I won't be getting there haha
I tried to get more sleep but the universe decided I needed a drunken freshman instead
It's has to do with my genitals. Don't ask.
Officially the best daughter ever. I just restocked my parents alcohol that I stole last night AND ADDED TO IT
It's taking all of my will power not to chug this margarita. This must be the life of an adult...
Of course he did! You’ve seen my tits, you know he didn’t stand a chance!
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