do you want me to make hamburgers?
i'm vegan
i'll put lettuce on them
you were so drunk when the pizza guy got there you told him that you didn't have any money and would trade him the pizza for 3 Porno movies and he totally did it. I may never have to pay for pizza again
i dont know everytime i see her teeth i get erectile disfunction
Next guy we share better have a little more dignity than that
the bar just sent me a facebook message congratulating me on being a regular and getting such good grades. my life is not real.
My uncrustable is thawing in my straightener
Just saw someone tackle someone else to the ground for their coors light; he's not getting back up.
Yea, now that Irene is hitting us stores aren't selling any alcohol; beer is now a precious commodity.
She just causally held my limp dick in her hand the entire movie. Her parents were cuddling on the couch too..that brave!
Oh and no more ball pics to my family. Got in a little trouble over that. They have no sense of humor.
I guess that means I was blowing a nerd last week.
And loving it.
I told my boss that I'm in a slutty stage of my life right now and the chef overheard and slipped me his number. I might get laid tonight
Today is a shit your pants at work kinda day
At first it will make you think "how is this physically possible?" and then it will ruin an entire food group for you.
hooked up with him and then had a conversation with his ex about how we hate people who hook up with our exs...
I don't think getting eaten out in a smart car behind a circle-k on my break by a guy I just met classifies as social distancing, but I'm beginning to love night shift more and more.
Randomize
