I like it. Barfy the gin-flavoured Assman
wrigley field is MILF paradise
Fastest blow job ever. Though it was probably a good thing since we were in front of my house.
I have bruises covered in glitter and someone just asked me if I realized I'm bleeding from both ears. This is awkward.
We decided we needed a drinks fridge in our bathroom.
I'm at this kids house trying to figure out if I pissed in his kitchen new years eve. Lmao, stop letting me drink.
Faking my way through an entire party as a British exchange student. Wish me luck.
I think it's god's punishment for my behavior in Vegas . Lies were told. Angels were defiled. Pools were pissed in
I have a hunch Mama J got around.
Am I allowed to say that about my own mom?
I got unbelievably drunk yesterday, need some time off. Apparently pulling your balls out to make your buddy's girlfriend miss beerpong shots is frowned upon.
I just showed this kid my nipples to work my shift tmw
Had a dream I was doing scat with Caroline. I need to lay off the cheese at night
Why were you naked on your bathroom floor?
It was a "get entirely naked to take a shit" kind of blackout I think.
I have betrayed my no carb ways & I can feel it.
Embrace it. Come over to the dark side. I'll feed you muffins while stroking your hair.
Relationship goals: we both wore red underwear tonight. Except he won’t know because my bra been off but it’s the thought that counts I guess.
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