Yeah we had sex for the first time last night and all the text he sent me afterwards said was “heh”
I'm a gentlemen, chivalry is what i do, i'll open the door, pull out your chair, buy your drinks, i'll even go down first, but when it comes to mario kart, i draw the line. I'm sorry but i just can't let you beat me at mario kart
last night he was wasted watching Entourage and changed everyone in his phone book to LLOYD!!!!
Nothing makes my dick softer than hot girls in rain boots.
I never thought to pass out in a hotel lobby rather then paying for a hotel room until you taught me that's acceptable at the Hilton
he couldnt get it up, so i stole his lighter. i needed to have some reason to say the night wasnt wasted
Um...celebrating is an understatement. You flashed the guy at the mexican restaurant and then screamed, "It's just my bikini, I swear!"
Juss got out of jail; shes still in there tryin to sing her abc's backwards bc the cops neva asked her too... Whebever she gets to t she starts singin the tequilla song
The alcohol tastes like we did a beer run at the nail salon
He got naked after doing the Ice Water Challenge and it was still enormous. So, yeah, I stayed over.
I've decided to take one for the team and bang the landlady for lower rent.
I couldn't even tell you how many times I've said "wrong hole" today
See I am maturing. I just got in from my DRIVE of shame......
I just talked comic books with a cop. We high-fived as he was running my name.
Proud of you.
We discussed the legality of being a vigilante. I won.
You need to go! It’s a midwestern wedding - the single girls out there think life ends at 25 if they don’t have a picket fence and family. That’s when your penis introduces himself
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