Is it awkward that I've slept with every guy in this room?
Only if they know about it too.
It smells like ranch
Must be all the white people
You were rubbing your foot on one of your legs and kept saying, "My sock feels like a waterslide!"
I had his cock in my mouth and he still wouldn't shut up about Star Wars.
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Gong!
YOU'RE MARRIED NOW YOU CAN'T KEEP GONGING ME WHEN YOU GET LAID IT DOESN'T COUNT
I wish I was a power ranger. Also the universe is immense. Like it never ends. Never.
Wow. I feel like a bad friend. My fuckbuddy wished you a happy birthday before I did. The reality of that just hit me.
My chin is breaking out a bit and feels all itchy and burny like I'm allergic to something. Are you using a new lotion on your balls?
OMG. Hung over at my grandparents house. Threw up on 3 T-stops, countless snowbanks, and the grandparents driveway. Was proposed to last night. Bruised from head to toe from falling down 3 flights of stairs. Debating my intelligence because it seems that "happy new years" is too hard for me to spell. How were your new years festivities?
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How much more is Amanda Bynes going to rip out our hearts?!?!?
Im breaking out the trunk vodka tonight, its been aged to perfection.
I see you met someone special
During sex his mom asks from the other side of the door, "Do you like avocados?" Who doesn't like avocados?
I'm just checking to make sure you don't want to go to the farmers market... This is an assumption based on the fact that you were slapped with a sandwich last night and you remained unconscious.
sooo trippy being back in town after 5 years. if you had asked me in high school who would be future coke heads, i would have been way off
He wore socks while I was giving him head. I couldn't even focus on his penis because of the socks.
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