woke up and her hair clip was clamped around my shaft
I am full of burrito and curiosity
And next time, don't pick a fight with me when you're naked. That's just not fair
It was either a cute kinda butch tomgirl or a really fem guy. Either way, I made out with it. Bisexuality, my best friend.
Hey do you want me to wrap up that Jack in the Box you left in my gutter
My 16 year old neighbor is throwing a rager cuz her parents are out of town and my brother and I are sitting on the porch listening to A) someone fuck on the trampoline B) a girl bawling about her parents finding out C) someone puking in what we think is the hot tub. And overall we take a shot everytime someone says "bra"
I snorted a few ambien and woke up here. A lady banged on our door, waking us up, demanding our towels.
tell her i changed her phone's unlock password to be the length of my fully erect penis in centimeters. I'll be in my room for the next two hours.
My code for I need help will be if I'm holding a bud light lime..
I got high with the cantor. Rethinking this whole non-practicing Jew thing.
I find it fascinating that she'd be more comfortable with her mom finding out she submits dirty disney confessions on tumblr than about her secret email account she uses to chat with dutch and brazilian strangers.
I apologize in advance for the number of sex toys drying on the bathroom sink.
I woke up completely naked with the exception of my leg warmers. Last night must have been interesting.
I don't care how hot she was. She didn't like Scooby Doo and I don't fuck with that.
I was really excited when I saw a billboard for neverbethirsty.org this morning. Then I realized it was for a church.
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