she took her clothes off and my dick went from =====> to =>
mom asked me why i'm never sober at family events, i told her i learned it from her.
Every single piece. I examined every single square inch of this peanut butter and jelly sandwich. and fell in love with every inch. that high.
yes he's amazing in bed. he made me like, black out. everything went black it was weird. so yes, i'd fuck him again. plus, he has every season of buffy on dvd
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Remind me to never go to the bar with your Asian friends again. I need to be able to read or pronounce what I'm drinking.
Idgaf if he's a manwhore, he's like the mt. everest of penises. howcan I NOT try to put that inside me?
I just had my first non-cocaine-induced nosebleed for the first time in 2 years. This calls for a celebration.
Drowning in science and also vodka. Hope you're having fun.
Was asked out on a date tonight on Linked In. That creepy genius at apple that touched my butt one time in the back stairwell. I thinks it's fair to say I've hit rock bottom.
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I'm beginning a new chapter of my life in which our fridge will always be stocked with jello shots. I'm excited to embark down this road to fruity, semi-solid alcoholism.
Moral of the story - don't craft naked. Your nipples with thank me.
I snuck in through the doggy door to get his vodka. Do you think my ex will know?
Because I chose to live vicariously through your uterus and you're letting me down right now.
We will just distract him with tacos and porn.
Just made my first drink, took 2 sips feel like god
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