It's pouring out. I am cold, wet, and miserable.... Kind of reminds me of our sleepover last night.
Good face, no body. And apparently her vagina is related to chewbaca.
I love that she's always that person who people think it's a good idea to invite her to something. and then she's there and you realize, "nope."
I got 70 on my final, or put differently, I got a "still graduating" on my final.
it's official, i know exactly what cross streets we're at by the bumps when i give him road head
Also while I am being the bigger person I plan on bringing over something strong smelling and/or alcoholic to torture the poor hungover bastard
Anderson Cooper just came out.
Crying tears of glitter and rainbows right now. Gonna decorate my dildo like My Little Pony in his honor.
I just told the toilet I loved it. Bad sign.
i came so hard i kicked through my windshield
I caught myself flirting with clients today. Someone needs to take me to pound town before I self destruct. This is a code red. I repeat code red.
Whenever I'm hungover I try to stay in public as much as possible, hoping to be a cautionary tale to children. It's a public service, really.
I'd tell u there's strippers to make you get here faster, but that would be a blatant lie... There's strippers here.
So one possible side effect of women taking Viagra is that my tongue feels swollen. You having any?
I was looking for a pen and I stumbled upon my mom's vibrator. On a related note, yes I will be going out tonight.
I never said it was inaccurate, I said I hate you.
Randomize
