sorry if i was weird last night, had weird deja vu that we had done that before, i mean with the peanut butter.
we had.
well that explains the rash. i dont think i should see you again.
Mind blown. Apparently, it's PRErogative, not PERogative. I blame Bobby Brown.
What happened to the watermelon?
You fucked it.
Bars not open yet, I feel like a desperate alcoholic wandering around outside.
oh my god, there is an imprint from the nuva ring in the christmas card my mom sent me. merry christmas.
I feel like a fucked a broomstick last night. You get a gold star.
I don't know what's worse the the fact he has worn a protective cup for last 3 years in fear of being kicked in the balls. Or the fact that the one day he decides to throw caution to the wind and doesn't wear it and actually gets kicked in the balls.
Who in tha hell do u hang out with?
Every time I someone I meet again from that wedding it turns into the "Oh your the guy who puked in the hallway and passed out in front of the elevator."
I have this terrible fear I might accidentally text a pic of my dick to my grandma
In all fairness that 65 year old man looked 23 in club lighting so you can fuck right off
Seriously, it's 5am. STOP CREEPIN and START SLEEPIN!
at one point while they were drilling into my jaw I just remember thinking "will I ever be able to suck dick again"
I shall relish in being the most basic of bitches
she said she doesn't remember seeing me at all last night. ...I was with her for six hours, there's no way she could have been blackout the whole time
Went to bed still wearing my bralette. When I was changing this morning, a Tootsie Roll fell out. I'm definitely living my best life.
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