if you don't start talking to me i'm gonna tell your gf that you said she tastes bad
I just found a dead bug in my nose. if that's the worst thing up there im considdering myself lucky.
almost passed out on the way to class today.. laid down in a construction site. bad idea
so the girl i've been sleeping with for 3 weeks now just figured out that i don't know her name
She says she'll teach me how to make her squirt tonight so yea, I'm bailing again. I'm not sayin sorry since you don't have a better offer.
I won't go into too much detail about this but you should probably wash your sheets. In bleach. Or just burn them. Thanks for letting me sleep in your bed bro. Enjoy scotland.
You got a blow job by a girl whose nickname is "the terrible tooth"?! You are a brave man.
When I picked you up, you were drinking Maker's Mark out of the bottle with a crazy straw.
Well we went from the roof to the stairwell to an air mattres. One day were going to fuck in a bed
Like I would feel weird too if you just cancelled our wedding, cut off all your hair and started twerking everywhere
There's nothing quite like having a little 8 year old boy hand me a Bible on campus while I'm on my way to the health center because of my recent slutty tendencies.
I had a dream I got back with Amanda. And then cheated on her the same day. Even my conscious is a dick
my hair smells like a mixture of fireworks and rotten eggs with a hint of shame. it's so strong it's keeping me awake.
finals do horrible things to a person. i haven't worn pants since friday
Shit facedness and cuddling are what you have to look forward to this evening.
Randomize
