She was so high she ate a little piece of weed off her pants and thought it was food.
just prayed to lady gaga in hopes it will help me pass my fashion merchandising final...what is my life?
Apparently faking a threesome isn't as much fun as you'd think
I am more sore today than I was after my car wreck. Take it as a compliment that you bang harder than a semi-truck.
i would eat my own dick if it were covered in nutella
at last call she tried to get the bartender to fill her flask. when he refused, i had to stop her from trying to pour the rest of her beer in there.
You're invited to our X-games themed party. We have an ice luge and every time someone eats shit we drink. It's gonna be great.
I like how our relationship transcends the borders of inappropriateness and encompasses all the colors of the inappropriate rainbow.
He sent me a picture of a gas station condom and said "we probably shouldn't use this but if I was to impregnate someone on accident I'd want it to be you"
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a taco... I feel like a female Elvis.
I’m a coke loving, addy selling, pot smoking CRIMINOLOGY major. If there isn't irony in that I give up.
I mean if you can't appreciate a good looking dick then just get out.
This whole having a new phone thing is like starting all over in life with a clean slate! (My old text convos are gone)
New phone new life!
I need more 20 something year old penis in my life
I'm the only person I know that carries solo cups, shot glasses, ping pong balls, two decks of cards, and a lawn chair in his trunk. I'm ready to turn anything, anywhere into a party.
Randomize
