I'll collect that couch/porn sloopy beedge tomorrow just FYI
she broke up with me using backstreet boy lyrics
you deserved it if you knew it was backstreet boys.
Springtime is officially here. I just used pool water to fill up the bong
I have a critically important question to ask.
Why does watermelon-flavoured candy exist?
How did your new apartment party go last night?
I'm really happy i have a bigger bathroom to puke in.
giving a 30 min presentation still drunk is like giving birth, upside down in a pit of snakes while being on fire.
he called me from germany to tell me about all the gummy bears he bought...i'm doubting his sobriety
he said something along the lines of "fish can smell fear"
I can't be here...my therapist just watched me take tequila shots
come home. i made deep-fried hotdogs; don't let me die alone.
Well I passed out before 4:20 on 4/20 so I deem it a failure AND a success.
tuscaloosa is terrifying
like people here are just empty shells of drugs and sin
there is no mercy here
They found me wandering around campus screaming body shots over and over again wrapped in a curtain
He lured me round with the prospect of sex and then made me proofread his CV and spoon. I fucking hate this guy.
We couldnt find you anywhere and when you finally answered your phone all you said was "im safe"
Randomize
