My parents took my cat for a ride in the car. Second weekend in a row. They think its fun. Dear God
So I just almost came on my own face I had to dodge it as it was flying by...that was a first
At least you didnt end up topless in a Tina Turner wig singing cabaret tunes
I just saw a kid drop his lollipop on the floor of best buy, kick it because he was pissed off and then pick it up and eat it. I think I have a long lost son.
i fucked her mom dude
there's something to tell the kids
Im gonna need you to always be ready for drinking or this will never work. grow up peter pan.
Petty good. I just stapled a 5 dollar bill onto the chest of a sword swallower.
For a limited time only, free special muffin with the referral of a loyal dro customer! Have it for breakfast and be happy off your ass all day! Guaranteed! New member must buy at least an eighth. Oh and O's are on sale for 280.
You. Win. At. Life.
She's all pretty and bubbly and nice and I'm sitting here stoned looking like Lucifer.
Apparently I got mad at you for "Not drinking with me till we thought we were seahorses" and smashed my face on your door. Then I put my feet in the oven and started crying because I was drinking alcohol from a pot. My life is spinning out of control.
GOOD NEWS I CAN BRING THE VODKA IN MY LUGGAGE
Let's get matching tattoos, something that resembles our friendship
A tequila worm?
Just gave my thesis presentation, pretty sure I made out with the admissions woman last night.
Is it a problem if I'm trying to condition Goodbye Horses to trigger an erection?
She was gone when I unblacked out, but she had nailed her panties to the wall and wrote “Colleen’s Dick”with a sharpie on the wall. No idea where she got a hammer and nail
Randomize
