How's tricks little girl?
Trix are for kids, old man.
I hate when people uglier than me have girlfriends
he couldn't find his key, so we just had sex on his parent's porch while we waited for his mom to get home.
They call it the Collection Couch because all 4 room mates have slept with at least 3 different girls on it. He tried to seal the deal with "would you like to be number 14?"
And sadly I did.
scratch lunch, i just found about 7 more dicks drawn on my back
We raised our shot glasses and you screamed out "TO MY DAD FINALLY GOING TO REHAB!"
Well it was 11am and we were walking to the market with red cups in our hands yelling NO JUDGEMENT at every car that passed
He's blaming gravity for his problems right now, so put that in perspective
Just so you know swallowing does not help chest colds. Your Phd can suck my dick
When I was with you my penis felt like a fat woman crammed into a pair of lulu lemons
Well, we could've been at the bar taking a shot everytime my rash spread. But Noooooo. You had to go out with your non- girlfriend. Lame.
I'm at a gyno in Japan. Safe to say every possible rule of etiquette is about to be broken. Buckle up, motherfuckers.
yea plus he's gonna be wearing his gumby costume so that'll take a lot of pressure off too
Yeah yeah I know I have to bring your dog back.
Caitlin, you were laying in your bed feeding your dog ritz chips and singing a whole new world at 4am loud enough your neighbors came over an asked you to stop.
I love my life
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