shit is crazy. i just keep thinking that this kid growing inside Emily used to live in my balls.
i have it on good authority that she is not as good at giving head as she claims she is
i hope you realize that ur overconfidence only gave me one orgasm out of all the times we had sex. that's like a 1% success rate. u might wanna rethink how amazing you are.
why is there an outline of nathan's body on my wall in whip cream?
My dry heaving is complicating my ability to speak.
we've got reservations. ask for the eat a bag of dicks table
Breakfast tacos?
YOU ARE A FOUNTAIN OF GREAT IDEAS
Yup, totally tried cooking bacon in the dryer last night.
Fair enough. Everyone has some guilty pleasures. Yours is yourself
And now I have fucked a local celebrity so double free drinks at bars.
Whatever. I am not explaining the physics of my dick slapping.
I told him I was gunna have sex with him in both of our cars at the same time.
Monday funday. I brushed my teeth with antibacterial soap. hangover I did not have.
Now that you have a boyfriend, can I have my vibrator back?
Going to the eye doctors drunk makes you feel like your doing a sobriety test! They have to know..
Randomize
