yo i have your phone
... oh so you probably won't get this message
I'm lying on the floor in the back room praying my boss doesn't come to work today.never again
If you don't come out tonight, who's going to wake us up in the morning because they're fucking in the middle of the room where everyones sleeping?
I'm sorry i ruined our friendship with a boner
Just got a voicemail from a guy referring tp himself "as chest hair guy". If I'm coming home to a intervention I understand.
Yea. I couldn't get a job in fast food but I can teach Americas youth. The future looks great
I don't want to tell anyone! People who sleep with senators either end up in porn or guantanamo
She sucks. And I almost hooked up with a clown last night
Just ushered a raccoon across the street so yeah.. Good night
And then she said "wanna make a vine of me twerking on the wall?"
I can't wait for you to tell me about your sex.
It's a short, short story.
There is a high possibility I will pass out with my hand in a bag of Doritos
She asked me to dress as captain planet for halloween and told me she was gonna suck the pollution out of my dick.
It's taking every bit of my restraint not to go to the store and buy chips and cake and like steal someone's dog. PMS is so weird.
I had mediocre parking lot sex last night so the night wasn't a complete bust.
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