Nice meating you last night
Not a typo
Thought you might like this. Had a dance off with an andy bernard look alike and pissed my bed. All in one night.
Drinking wine. Reading twilight. On a Friday night. Biggest loser contest. First Place.
I'm driving behind a lime green VW that has "Seniors '10!" shoe polished on the rear window. i haven't even seen her yet, but I do have a boner.
HER PREGGO ASS BROUGHT SPEGHETTI-O'S... IN HER PURSE.
I love you and want you to know that you're the best friend ever and me lassoing you with a seatbelt was out of sheer affection.
I'm not sure if doing him was such a good idea. Yes the sex was good, but I'm scared I set myself up for failure in 2011 because he's the hottest guy. Ever.
By the way, thank you for feeding me fries when I was sitting on the floor.
You asked me if you could throw up in my shoe.
In my defense, last night's hookup turned out to be my actual girlfriend. That's gotta count for something, right?
Yeah sorry about that. I got pulled into the Russian student society's end of term party. There was too much vodka and eurodance to come help you pack.
also karaoke with swedish 7yr old and drunk 50yr old = best idea ever
This town is a penis wasteland. I haven't seen a suitable penis in months. This is becoming an emergency situation. I need penis in my life
I cant believe you made me read bad furry sexts
Why can't they just let me be the gorgeous cum dumpster that I know I'm meant to be?
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