If it makes you feel better, you're better at taking it in than ass than she is...
Well...yeah actually, that does make me feel better
dude you guys. You can't throw up in the recycling bin. I don't think vomit is recyclable
I've ID'd the nipple biter.
I just finished deleting miscellaneous contacts from my phone ... time for a HIV test!
I just feel like I should give it a rest. I'm too old to be drinking bottles of grey goose and falling into koi ponds.
Btw. Made out with a random kid at a frat. It's all good though. He invited us to his frat party tomorrow so yay! For having plans!
Obviously you've never slept with someone who was deliverance level inbred.
I seriously think the toilet is the cleanest thing in their house. At least if I have to worry its not about that.
Congratulations on your lack of fetus.
I made it with a guy dressed as Mitt Romney. I told him "you can't have my vote, but you can have my body"
Word of advice, don't put your jar if peanut butter in the microwave, blue fire comes out
There's a certain feeling that only comes from wearing pearls to hide hickeys
I'm at an awkward stage of not being able to tell if I wanna keep having fun or if I need to die in bed
We're the worst. Two people without their shit together do not make a functional adult.
the cop found his r2d2 bong and asked me if i ever smoked out of him. i'm like, no sir. he's like ahh. if i were to smoke, it'd definitely be out of some star wars character.
easily made my night.
Randomize
