porn star on stage now. Get unkicked out.
He finally admitted that he was drunk when I asked him how he got the rug burn on his chin and he replied "the worm contest"
the brownie started to kick in before i finished the essay... it became a race against my own increasing intoxication
I learned the names of so many hookups when they read them at graduation
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Do you need a place to sleep? Cause I fucked in the guestroom a few weeks ago and never washed the sheets. But if you don't care neither do I.
you woulda been proud of me tonight though. i only made out with 2 guys. and in my defense one of them was to get a job after graduation.
Its not that I'm getting free haircuts... Its just that she is paying for sex with haircuts...
Dude. Yeah. This is a game changer. I feel dirty and possibly pregnant and it hasn't happened yet.
the cashier ate half of our fries before she gave them to us so i think it's safe to say they don't do drug testing there
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I had her buy me a cock ring, so we might test that out. We are presently playing yahtzee.
Cock rings and yahtzee. Like peanut butter and jelly.
You were spooning an empty magnum of white wine in the middle of the bed so I slept on the couch
Well at least there's no more confusion about your place in my life. Wine > pizza > your dick > the rest of you.
Love you...
Dude my doctor just legit got down on her knees and loudly begged me to do my pap smear
Stories. There's stories.
MEGHAN YOU'VE BEEN THERE FOR 20 MINUTES
Lost my pants last night. Really need to stop taking shots of whiskey like I'm eating skittles.
You know that panicky moment when you go home with a guy and realize you’ve been there before?!? HAPPENING RIGHT NOW!!!
Turns out I banged his son a few months ago but the kids back at college so I don’t have to worry about him walking in while Dad has me bent over the couch
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