I passed out in the cab. Woke up to the cabby yelling SIR SIR WE ARE AT THE TRAIN STATION!! SIRRRR!!
I just tried to unlock my house with the car remote
The chick I went home with last night had a happy trail
so many types of cookies right now. i'm eating four kinds of cookies that i've made into larger cookie sandwiches. too high. whoa.
how can getting a pizza be this hard?
when you've been drinking 14 hours anythings impossible
I'm going to make him fall in love with me one blow job at a time.
Also there's a dick sized hole in my tights...should I be worried?
He wants to hookup..at the fair..this is our chance to leave him stranded with no clothes.
2nd year in a row being a arrested before school starts...tradition at its finest
i know i shouldn't tell you this since i want you to really like me but i just spent the last 4 hours sleeping on the toilet.
There's a guy here who is improvising his own shadow dance on a table against the wall, in case you're wondering how my night is going
That's how all the girlfriends are. Oh he's a boy, no worries, then BAM. I blow their boyfriend.
are you drinking tonight?
I have an exam tomorrow
so yes.
your mission the party friday: cockblock me at ALL costs. I've cheated on my boyfriend twice. I feel like three times would be crossing some sort of line...
and no, I don't care how how hot he is
My Boss was giving porn recommendations. I think I'm scarred for life.
Randomize
