Do you remember getting into a Delorean last night?
Shes been standing with her arms crossed in front of the mirror for 45 minutes...she told me she's "getting sober"
just printed out my drug dealers resume for him. guess the ecstasy scene slows down when kids move back home for the summer...
I've just never had a dinner guest strut in, go directly to my bathroom, vomit.. then come out demanding whiskey and food.
Is a wave an appropriate goodbye when your one night stand wakes up and walks out towards the door while you are looking through the garbage for the evidence of a condom?
I let my cat eat the pepperonis off of my pizza while I was still eating it. That's the level of tequila drunk I got last night.
God I adore you.
Old men love us. For they have fine taste and disturbing minds.
I forgot how weird my hair bleaches and now I'm a calico
You can wake up to my rainbow of failure
I don't know if trying Molly for the first time before my flight was an awesome or aweful idea
no joke- she just sprinkled parmesan cheese into her champagne and slurred "I just need a little snack"
Peeing out the car window on the way home was a nice touch. In December, in Michigan, at 3am. Never seen a girl do that before. Neither had the guy in the minivan next to us.
Oh like it's the first time I've had a bowl of wine
ALL I WANT FOR CHRISTMAS IS FOR YOU TO SHUT THE FUCK UP FOR ONCE
I feel like any time there's that much rope, lingerie, and horse masks on the ground, it's safe to say it was a great night
Aww his grandma died? That's sad! No mourning sex!!! That doesn't lead to good things!
Randomize
