it hasn't hit me that college is over yet. so far at home, i haven't brushed my teeth, taken off my makeup, or changed clothes before bed.
i wish mother nature was an actual person cause i'd bitch slap her for sure
her idea of "friends with benefits" is her doing my laundry. i'm cool with it.
You kept telling the cops that our ice luge was practice for the next winter olympics
Apparently I walked up to him, mumbled something incoherently, then started to make out with him. Why does this always happen.
So idk if it's because I'm working out again or the coke, but I hit my target weight today. Whaaaat uuuup. Come and get me thanksgiving.
I'm like a savant for remembering names I learned while I was drunk. Seriously, I'm three for three. I'm on a roll.
stalking the twitter feeds of girls who have fucked my current fuck buddy makes me glad we use condoms
I'm going to get old and fat one day... probably pretty soon and I'm not going to have any pictures to show to my cats of what I once looked like.
You declared that afternoon sex will be referred to as "wet naps" from now on
She came 4 times, called me a god, then made me breakfast. I don't think she is ever going to leave
I always make inappropriate sexual decisions during the holidays
Im gonna go lick parts of my apartment. Good night and be ever vigilant, you never know when I'm coming to epoxy your hand to you nipple.
I gotta stop fucking the bouncers. We are running out of bars to go to.
he took a fucking pitcher of koolaid and vodka to the bath with him... i wake up from my blackout to his roomate screaming cause he spilled it and passed out in the middle of a blood red tub. she thought he killed himself. jesus christ its only the first day of break and i already regret coming home
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