The Mets? Come back? That'd be like Nickelback writing a good song.
ahh summer, the season during which the prefix for every verb is "get drunk and"
Her divorce is going to cut into the amount of time we spend fucking.
I'm in awe of how selfish that is.
Excused from finishing the term project because my lab partner got arrested. For the second year in a row. Public school, I love you.
If I don't throw up the day I graduate i'll feel like the last 4 years and thousands of dollars spent on alcohol will have been wasted.
I cannot even. Taco bell reception. Beers. New friends from Georgia.
How do I politely say my vagina is not a chew toy and if you bite me again I will slap you?
You could say take it easy, whoa there, be gentle, anything that doesn't fully convey the horror.
I invited you and you fucked me in the face with the penis of disappointment and shit.
Look. If you're going to be my girlfriend you need to be down with me licking BBQ off your face infront of kids.
Like what did he say to his host family? The girl I causally sleep with on the weekends is coming over?! And they thought "well lets feed her dinner"
Based on his face I'm positive he has a beautiful penis.
Well. I had to explain to my niece that the word cunt is not an abbreviation for country. I'm the best aunt in the world.
I hate him but I love him for what he does which is me
I think I need practice at oral sex
I own a practice facility.
It got to the point where I was so drunk, playing rock paper scissors as a drinking game seemed like a good idea.
Randomize
