dude I went to cubs game with my mustache, aviators, and a hooded sweatshirt. Do you think it was irony or fate that there were four 17 year old girls in front of us?
I just saw a hobo ride by on a unicycle. Good day.
We're friends. And when I drunkenly send u a pic of my left testicle i would appreciate a response.
the plan is to continue having sex with all three of them until my birthday, and then once they've given me their presents, they can find out about each other.
Waiting outside the STD clinic 30 min before it opens already in a line up. It's like were all waiting for a concert that no ones really pumped for
I'm gonna need you to NOT let me play duck duck goose with three racoons in the middle of the street next time.
incase your class ends early, there are three naked guys in our room. but don't get too excited, they're all gay.
Repeat the weekend mantra. "I like boys with teeth, I need boys with teeth, I deserve boys with teeth, I will have boys with teeth".
They actually said and I quote "it definitely looks like your knees went through some over usage"
If we both finish he brings me a beer and cookies, if only he finishes I get wine and cheesecake. I think I'm in love.
Mashed potatoes are always the fuckin answer ok.
I need vodka mixed w a bit of holy water right now
Dead. I am actually dead. Also, worst nightmare confirmed: throwing up in a four hundred person lecture.
When you get this divorce finalized we're going to mid evil times AND pirate dining adventure. We're gonna find you a couple of real men and make them joust/swashbuckle for your affection. My treat.
You know that text I sent you last night at 2? That was 5 minutes before I ran face first into a wall of not okay
Randomize
