I really wish I could go back in time to change the course of events that led to me sitting on the internet at 3 Googling 'Traumatic masturbation' while talking to you about failed dates, and running a virtual restaurant in a video game.
Should I be offended if he asked if he could use saran wrap to eat me out?
I got it! After our exam we take shots for every question we skipped!!!
I don't wanna die...
Wish you were here....
And I wish your mouth was around my cock, but that never happens, does it?
there is no excuse for him not showing up to my st. patrick's day party. i touch his dick. i get him on the high holidays.
BTW. If I show up really drunk and dressed a cowboy, don't be alarmed
My neighbor caught me peeing on his rose bushes at 2 in the morning while wearing my Santa hat. My sex appeal has never been higher.
If he thinks that that is an acceptable way to ask me out he is out his goddamn ginger mindddddd.
Sweet tea and masterbation. It's how I manage.
just ran into my drill sergeant from basic 4 years ago. gonna take him home and have him fuck me at the cadence of quick time.
Failing this, see a doctor for elephant tranquillisers, to be taken with whiskey orally, twice at dawn.
Haha i really think theres no better way to tell a paramedic sorry for breaking your nose than a beautiful and healthy edible arrangement...
Saw my doctor at the bar. He bought me a drink. I think he was looking up my medical record on his phone because he suddenly had to go. syphilis continues to fuck with my life
Three cans of beer can fit in the shower catty... multi tasking
dude im trying to eat his ass so can you stop for 10 minutes
Randomize
