i have a feeling he has a nice dick. i can just sense it.
It's really awkward to greet the pastor when I know I've licked chocolate syrup off his daughter's chest.
Sorry for my penis texting you last night, I can't control what he wants at 4am.
I am trapped in a bar with french tattooed drug dealers who also blow glass art. Just in case this is bad, know what happened.
he said something along the lines of "fish can smell fear"
No more drinking with Em. She was on the ground so much she looked like she belongs in a lifealert commercial
You missed me roundhouse kicking a lit glow stick out of a guy's mouth last night. You would have been proud.
the liver wants what the liver wants
I just tried to get a motorcycle cop to give me a ride....he told me not to ask strangers for rides
My dad told me I would need to be my mom's DD tonight. So, that's how my Easter weekend is going down.
I really appreciate you taking the time to blur out my excessive boob cleavage for instagram
i feel like a cleansing fire is the only way to purify the house
She was giving me head, and a cop pulled up next to us. I freaked when he looked over at me, but so did he and rear ended the car in front of him.
Im so drunk and the cops showed up so i ran on all 4's through the woods because i had no shoes hoping they would mistake me for a fox
i just woke up on the desk in his dorm with him snoring in my vagina. better than last week waking up to a different guy puking on my bare ass i guess.
Randomize
