Its 6am. Um if my mom for some reasons asks, you stopped by my house around ten and had some wine with me. She is concerned I drank a whole bottle by myself. Woke me at 6am to interrogate..Thank god my pounding head thinks fast.
PS We had chips too. She is less concerned about the whereabouts of the chips but still a good lie always needs detail.
worse things have happened to me. but if it will make you feel better you can pay for my therapist sessions next week.
I just saw a man vacuming his front lawn. What is this world coming to?
I just saw what sperm look like swimming around. I'm not happy with what you've put in my stomach.
We had sex this morning and after she goes, " So are we going to do something for Valentines Day?"
I wish i could be on x for the rest of my life.
He texted me for drugs this time. Not sex. I dunno if I should be pleased it's not sex or disappointed that I come across as a druggie
the guy in the stall next to me, came in, farted, laughed, and proceeded to give himself some sort of hillbilly pep talk that included the phrase "big pussy".
Everything in my purse is 100% saturated in red wine, which made it challenging to cover up my booze breath with franzia soaked gum
Just came out of my room at 8 AM to find 2 pounds of raw hamburger and a half eaten cake strewn across the hallway. And I'm not surprised at all.
Oh trust me, i am. It's like magic, but instead of rabbits and doves its orgasms- He just keeps pulling them out of nowhere.
She ordered an O'douls. That was the end of that date
A guy from tinder a while ago who sent me dick pics straight out the gate is a tech on my dad's hospital floor. I was wondering why he looked familiar and why he never took my dads vitals when I was in the room
I just fucked her boyfriend. Happy birthday, bitch.
If work found out I was using THEIR paper to write Karate Kid fanfic I'd never hear the end of it.
Randomize
