I had a dream last night that I had sex with Abe Lincoln. I must stop watching the History Channel before I go to bed.
He let me keep his flannel as a "good job" for the great head I gave him.
I mean we've tried to get high on nutmeg, we clearly dont know the definition of "too far"
2 classes, 3 finals, and $30 worth of adderall until this semester is over.
I started singing the national anthem on a train in London. Happy 4th of July assholes
come find me. Outside the bar we were just in waving my syringe in the air
Standing in a circle of girls fistpumping to the word "hospital" while taking shots.... I don't see this ending well, but its fucking fun.
Every time I drink before 5 somebody's pet dies
Stop drinking before 5
Easier said than done
She thinks I come over for the sex, but I really come for the snacks.
An old white couple caught us smoking the foot long. THE LOOK ON THEIR FACES.
Did we do drunk science last night? There's tequila in the test tubes...
There's a possibility I may have hooked up with that British guy...
Possibility? You left the door open! Everyone saw!
I was just at the gas station and happened to look left and see a girl blowing some guy. How was your night?
what a classic moment of my life. A buffet of taco bell and a taser gun.
may or may not have snorted a line of tums... wtf.
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