OKAY SO WHENEVER I SEE AN UGLY COUPLE I ALWAYS WONDER WHAT THEY SAY TO EACH OTHER IN BED. creepy?
8:17pm: So, How was fun day?
1:15am: So I just woke up in my bed in my bathing suit... I don't remember getting into bed or dinner or anything after slip n slide that happened around five... I'd say fun day was a success
I'm wearing an NBA shooting sleeve while jerking off...and yes my arm has stayed warm
Almost peed between 2 cars...till I realized that it's daytime and I'm sober.
i've learned that i'm good at stealing things. like live cats.
The police woke me up so they had no choice but to see my morning wood.
well after pounding on the ceiling for 5 mins i just went up there to tell them to shut up.. 2 hours later i'm naked, high, lying on their kitchen floor. it escalated so quickly
The internet is out at West Chester so I'm masturbating using my imagination. What is this, the fucking dark ages?
What if he stabs me in the back, mid-orgasm, as I sit on his face? It'd be a miraculous way to go but that's not the point
Some guy is in my phone as Pat McAwesome.
My brain and heart say thanks but my vagina isn't super pleased with you right now
You tried to order fondue take-out.
From Taco Bell.
You know it's a pretty bad night when an injured penis is not the worst thing that happened to you. Fuck tequila
She used a candle as a shot glass.. A FUCKING CANDLE BRO!!
I finally selected an outfit that says "I'm not easy" but still shows off the tittays.
Randomize
