All time low... just gave a strip tease to the theme song from Law&Order SVU.
We had sex on my friends waterbed ..after that the whole school kept asking him if he had fun getting "sea-sick" last night.
i have a $600 bill for my ER visit in which they did nothing but suggest to me that i am an alcoholic.
We're learning about the color wheel. Hello college.
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
he tried to breastfeed my turtle
Last time i was there we saw the window of the pizza place we were at get busted, we were pulled out of a taxi to be questioned by the cops, and we peed outside a waffle house. I'm in.
You told me to remind you that the bruise on your ass is from when you danced on the table at Ziggy's, saw a cop and tried to 'fly away'.
As I was about to go to sleep he asked me if I was ready to 69. HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK AT HIM IN THE FACE OVER DINNER TOMORROW
Please remind me next time not to call the ex who cheated on me to cry about the ex who forgave me for putting him in prison. It would be much appreciated.
He had a hook in his ceiling. I think I'm in love!
Okay, since we're going to be living together and I'm obviously better than you at everything, I have one single simple rule that I want you to follow: DO. NOT. FUCK WITH ME.
Because of you I can never eat chicken nuggets without thinking of you fucking him. I hope youre happy. I really do.
Please stop calling me a pterodactyl during sex. It only happens when you're drunk, but still.
Fuck you, i'm all jacked up on bananas lets go somewhere
Randomize
