Woke up to sesame street reruns and a $62 pizza bill. Never again. I mean it this time.
Her vagina turned into a vuvuzela. I didn't know it was a possible to have a wet nightmare.
you were drinking a pitcher of what you called "16 loko" and making everybody guess what the secret ingredient was
I feel like I shouldn't be doing my banking stoned. But I bought a new bowl. Her name is Sharpe. Pronounced Shar-Pay.
He somehow managed to bang-mail me last night. I woke up this morning to a voicemail from 1:54 a.m. of moaning and screaming. I now know how talented he is and how annoying I am to have sex with.
This has been the biggest binge-drinking season of the decade.
I stole an ensure out of their fridge and started chugging it. That was when Maria made me leave.
True bitches know their best friends favorite Boones Farm flavor.
I could really do without pictures of your asses in my inbox. That said, I'm extremely jealous that I wasn't involved.
i thought i should point out that whatever else you can say about me, i've still gotten high with a midget.
If you can count on one hand the number of times you have actually, truly nearly died this month, then you are not really living yet.
I like to play this game where I try to reach orgasm before my bathtub overflows....lost tonight.
I feel so nauseous and all I want is string cheese. My life never makes sense.
Dude, my ex girlfriend showed up, bought me a tequila shot, made out with me and then disappeared into the night. Then her current girlfriend saw, so she came over and slapped me and then I made out with her too
This was before halftime
I RUINED A LESBIAN RELATIONSHIP BEFORE HALFTIME
Grumpy Cat is dead and fuck EVERYTHING.
Randomize
