My grandmother just called to say she disowned me. Apparently I uploaded a video to Youtube of me dancing nude with a blow-up doll named Dorothy, last night. You are so fired from being damage control.
Mmmm, vodka for breakfast
About me waking up with a tatto of a hamster with a top hat ?
hey.....beach week happens
he asked me to help him wrap his girlfriends birthday presents. Dont worry we fucked right after.
just paid a stripper to have a minute conversation about the arizona game WTF
I seriously just washed my dick in a public restroom. That's how dirty last night got
MCAT status: Day 64, no longer can remember what sex is like.
Why can't it ever be the normal ones that stalk me?
Do not tell me that that is not the face of a man who has sex with goats.
I punted my pants across my apt at my roommate last night. Everything else is kinda fuzzy.
We smoked bowls and watched Cops for what seemed like hours. And yet I know I'll go back.
Honestly, I want an afternoon of mild abuse, mixed with face fucking and general molestation that turns in love making, laughter and cinnamon toast crunch naked in bed.
He met a girl at a stop light and managed to give her his number while driving down the highway.
He made me chicken tenders and margaritas in preparation for me to take a pregnancy test at his place later tonight. Like...seriously.
I just want to sit in my tub, drugged out of my mind, and watch the green lantern cartoon while the world as we know it ceases to exist outside my bathroom door, Okay? Is that REALLY too much to ask?
Randomize
